Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Happily Ever After Day 4

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
So, I'm supposed to let go. I'm not supposed to try to work it out on my own. Geez louise, could you ask me to do anything harder?! I have such a hard time with not being in control but I'm so not in control now that trying to be is just silly. I'm attempting to lean on my friends and family. Its very hard for me to accept help.
I turned in my keys to the house today and Mom told me not to give them any more money and just see what happens. I'm hoping they get the house leased soon. I'm going to post something on Craigslist to promote it and hopefully someone will be interested. Its a nice property and the neighbors are great. Really good price for renting too. Fingers crossed. See, I'm trying to control that too.
This is going to be tough.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Happily Ever After Day 3

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 - We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.
Yeah, I know the feeling. I don't want to know anything else that Rob is saying or doing!!! People just need to shut up and not say anything. I'm trying so hard not to be totally pissed off at him and then people tell me things that hurt and crush my spirit. He's moving on really quickly and there's nothing I can do about that. So why tell me. I hate this. I refuse to wallow and hearing about this stuff just brings all those feelings back up so I have to push them out again. I want to cry but I don't see the point.
On a good note, I think I've resolved part of a money issue that came up. The rest of its a mess but oh well. I created a budget last night. I want to set a date for the Europe trip that Kat and I always wanted to take. We didn't have the money before but I can legitimately save for it now without Mr. Drain the Accounts in my life. :) I also want to get buying a house in the works. I'm seriously thinking about trading in the suv. I can deal with something smaller and it would save some money. I need to check my credit score first though. Scary. And perhaps in a year or so, a house to buy. Hooray!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Happily Ever After Day 2

Isaiah 32:17 The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.
Some peace sounds great. I'm so sick of hearing from Rob right now. I really wish there was no business to take care of. I'm sad about the whole thing and talking to him just makes me feel horrid. Today's passage talks of choosing a righteous path and having a clean and complete healing. Its so hard for me to choose the right path because right now its the difficult path. Walking out the door a month ago was the first time I felt like I stood up for myself and did what was good for me and consequently him too since he seems a lot happier. (Course now I'm hearing about things I don't want to hear about what he's doing. I wish my friends would not make it so easy for me to figure out what's going on. I haven't asked but things slip out and then I can't help but think about them.) I have to be able to let go and right now it doesn't feel like I can. I'm almost to the point where I think I could really go out with someone else but I don't want to rush anything. I just feel like we were so distant for so long that I'm a lot further than one month away from the relationship. This is all so freakin' sad.
It says, "Choose wisely." I just don't feel wise right now. How the crap am I to choose wisely when I feel like an idiot?

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Happily Ever After Day 1

So, I'm trying out this devotional book Happily Ever After by Kristin Armstrong (former wife of Lance Armstrong). I'm going through a (God I hate saying this) divorce. It will be a year before NC lets me say I'm done since they insist on a year of separation sooo it would be good to have some sort of guide through this. I checked this book out from the library and depending on how it goes, I may buy it. I can't keep the book out for the whole year!
Anyway, Day 1's verse is Exodus 12:2 - This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. It really doesn't feel like my year but apparently God "loves to laugh at the impossible" so we'll see. I would like to move on. I would like to have true love, covenantal love. I would like to have a family and all my dreams come true. I don't know if that's possible and I'm so crushed and disappointed that it didn't happen already. I had a goal to be on my way to marriage by 25. Being on my way to divorce at 26 was not part of the plan. Now, I'm not sure what goals to set. I would like to be whole again in 6 months. I would like for God to send a man that is going to lift me up and be a true Christian. I would like to not fall too head over heels to see the truth. I would like to stop being scared. I need to make good Godly decisions. I need God.